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Yaya Toure has dropped the greatest tribute to bottoms since Sir Mix-A-Lot explained that he can't lie about his love for backsides, explaining why they're so important in football.
Toure chose his debut writing for The Athletic to announce to the world exactly why people should appreciate the role in football the humble bum plays in the sport.
Writing about losing the ball in physical battles when he first moved to the Premier League with Manchester City, Toure wrote: "What helped me a lot was one of the physios at City, who explained it to me very simply. He said, 'You're already a big guy, but you need to do something to deal with the shock when people run at you while you control the ball. We need to build your muscles to absorb it. We need to build the strength in your bum and hips.'
"It sounds funny, but your bum can be a very important tool when you play football."
However one specific example of Renato Sanches using his bum really impressed him. "Renato Sanches has not played much for Portugal so far, but there was a moment in the second half against Germany where you could see Emre Can run at him, to try to take the ball from him," the Ivorian wrote.
"Can is a strong player - when he was at Liverpool I was up against him for one game that we lost - but when Can tried to shock Sanches, he ran straight into his bum and fell over."
I didn't notice this moment until Yaya Toure included it in his new column:
Emre Can tries to dispossess Renato Sanches. Sanches sticks his bum out at the last moment.
LOOK AT THE STRENGTH. https://t.co/MOLY3ZrIRc pic.twitter.com/ohRglMpTWE
- Carl Anka (@Ankaman616) June 22, 2021
However, it is, perhaps unsurprisingly, Eden Hazard's bum which impresses Toure the most, with the author of the article saying it's "a joke" how big the Real Madrid's backside is.
"It has almost become a joke how big his bum is, but it is very important to how he plays football. Hazard is so dangerous that when the ball comes to him, he has maybe less than five seconds before the opposition are on him - I know from my time at City, you want to limit his time on the ball. When the ball arrives at Hazard, he can already sense the opponent coming towards him, so he waits until the last moment and uses his bum to block them. It pushes the opponent away - almost like a punch - and then, when he has opened up that space between him and the defender, he will power away and start the attack.
"Other wide players use their bums this way, such as Antoine Griezmann for France, and you might see Luis Suarez and Sergio Aguero use this at the Copa America, but there is no one better at it than Eden Hazard. The way he can control the ball after using his bum, the way he uses his bum and his body and his hips to protect the ball when defenders run at him, the way he can turn in any direction turn after the impact... it is unbelievable."
The internet went crazy for the 38-year-old's take on the use of the caboose, and Toure even trended on social media for his bum take.
"Idea for a programme. Bums with Yaya Toure" https://t.co/8qWZ2OCr2g pic.twitter.com/oXIU9bk8gI
- ODDSbible (@ODDSbible) June 22, 2021
The best thing about Yaya Touré talking about bums is that he's actually 100% right in how impactful the booty is in football lol. pic.twitter.com/mEabFhBAKD
- UtdArena (@utdarena) June 22, 2021
Yaya Toure wrote a whole article for The Athletic on how to use bum:
"When the ball arrives at Hazard, he can already sense the opponent coming towards him, so he waits until the last moment and uses his bum to block them. It pushes the opponent away - almost like a punch" :smiley:
- Vince:tm: (@Blue_Footy) June 22, 2021
You can add Yaya Toure talking about bums to the list of things I didn't expect to read today
- Daniel (@UtdDanMUFC) June 22, 2021
As a Peruvian who constantly uses his bum to full effect on the pitch whenever I play five a side AND the dance floor, I fully endorse this piece.
Plus, the great Yaya Touré also singles out @jmcginn7, quite rightly, who uses his poto better than ANYONE.
Great stuff. https://t.co/Htzdvyj7dw
- Luis Miguel Echegaray (@lmechegaray) June 22, 2021
Toure analysing Hazard's bum https://t.co/piENvlhPPQ pic.twitter.com/sOxuwV4w6u
- Dan :flag_black: (@DanAFC_) June 22, 2021
I logged on to Twitter and I find Yaya Toure talking about Hazards bum can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on
- Lex :zap::flag_be: (@CitySouljaa) June 22, 2021
Reading an @TheAthleticUK article about Hazard's bum written by Yaya Toure. It's 3 AM and I'm not sure if this is a hallucination but it is perfection.
- Maddy Chh :star::star: (@maddy_chh) June 22, 2021
Can't wait to see what he writes about in his next piece!
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