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What can you say to a man who laughs modestly when we ask how he famously outran Lionel Messi - in a Brazil vs Argentina game, no less - and raced away to score?
"No, I never had a chance to speak to him about that," Kaka says casually of Messi, as if he's discussing the price of milk, not two Ballon d'Or legends going head-to-head.
Kaka has no need to boast. On top of his World Cup, Champions League, La Liga and Serie A triumphs, the AC Milan and Real Madrid magician can now add: victory on Haggerston School's astroturf for an eight-a-side team in February.
It's (probably) debatable how you'd rank those achievements after the 92-cap Brazilian stunningly answered the call for a one-game loan thanks to adidas 'Rent-A-Pred', but when he wasn't pinging it top bins in Hackney, the Brazilian sat with us to be grilled on our brutal, either/or series.
Gerrard, Lampard or Scholes? El Clasico or Milan derby? And what about Neymar's hair...? Take it away, maestro!
Prefer to play for: Pep Guardiola or Jurgen Klopp?
Right now, this year? Klopp. These guys are so good and I'm a big fan... Last season Pep had an amazing season. 'How can I motivate my team again? What can I do?' And then Jurgen comes with winning a Champions League and the start to this Premier League. It's incredible to see these guys working.
Left foot: Roberto Carlos or Rivaldo?
Wow, it's really hard to say one name. Power obviously Roberto Carlos. It was unbelievable - but at the same time, I saw Rivaldo using his left with quality and amazing ability. Can I pick both? It's even, just different.
Achievement: Ballon d'Or or World Cup?
World Cup. I'm not saying I'm unhappy with my Ballon d'Or. Of course I'm happy [but] all the achievements I had as an individual is because I won something collectively. When I won the Ballon d'Or it was because I won the Champions League, the Super Cup, the Club World Cup. And then who is the protagonist of these achievements? Kaka. So let's give him an award. But the World Cup is unbelievable.
English midfielder: Gerrard, Lampard or Scholes?
I like Gerrard. Because we had this challenge between ourselves in 2005 and 2007, I really admire him. Of course, Lampard was pretty amazing, Scholes the classic. But I'll have Gerrard.
Hardest loss: 2005 UCL final or 2006 World Cup quarter-final?
The Champions League final, because of the way it happened. It was painful to lose in 2006 but we just conceded a goal and made a lot of mistakes. In 2005, we were winning 3-0. Man, for four-five minutes we were going to win the Champions League... But in six minutes we conceded three goals, despite having one of the best defences in football history. It was tough, but it was one of the best lessons I had in my career.
Better Ronaldo: Brazilian or Cristiano?
Brazilian Ronaldo was the best player I ever played with. The things I saw that guy do on the field was amazing. Ronaldo was the best I played with, but what Cristiano did - and is doing - is just unreal. The most important thing for me about Cristiano is the way he can motivate himself after all the achievements he has got.
Haircut: Ronaldo (2002 World Cup) or Neymar (2018 World Cup)?
I prefer the Ronaldo cut, just because, in that game, he gave me the World Cup... If you say to me: cut your hair like this and you're going to win a World Cup again, I'd try it now! [Laughs]
League: Serie A or La Liga?
Completely different leagues. It was really good to play in Italy to understand the tactical side. You have to learn the game, you have to see the game from the outside, you have to understand positions. When you're playing in Spain, it's like Brazil. Of course they're concerned about tactics, but: let's play!
MMA fighter: Jose Aldo or Anderson Silva?
Anderson because, as Brazilians, we discovered much much more about MMA because of Anderson. When he was at his peak, he was unbelievable. Jose is a very good fighter and he's growing a little bit every year and of course we support him. We want him to get the same results Anderson got.
Derby: Milan or El Clasico?
The Milan derby is great because it's in the same city. Sometimes the team not in a good position wins this game and changes their season. When you play El Clasico, it's a much more dangerous game. There is this political situation between Catalonia and Spain. You see all the country around this game. The time I was there, there was a big fight between the coaches. Mourinho vs Pep, Cristiano vs Messi - these kinds of ingredients make the game even better.
Greatest Brazilian: Pele or Ayrton Senna?
Here it's even. For me, football is the best sport and for us in Brazil, Pele is the best footballer ever because of his achievements. I played in three World Cups, I won one... I saw how hard it is to win one World Cup, Pele has three! It's just huge. And Senna, everything that happened in his career, he grew up with cars, everyone was talking about him.
Best defender: Paolo Maldini or Alessandro Nesta?
I choose Maldini. Not just because of his quality on the field, but Maldini was a player that taught me the most things. He was our captain, he was our leader, he was a great player. When I saw Maldini running every morning... this guy had won five Champions Leagues! But he's still running today like this - he wants to win the next game.
Best goal: vs Argentina (2006) or vs Manchester United (2007)
Manchester United at Old Trafford. Not just because of the goal but because of the importance of it. It was a Champions League semi-final. Amazing goal. Sometimes I watch that goal and I don't know how I did that [Laughs]... And the second one against Argentina? It was a friendly game but, for a Brazilian, every time that we beat Argentina it's good - and to score a goal like that it's even better.
Kaka was speaking as part of the adidas Rent-A-Pred campaign, a new Predator 20 hotline set up to help London footballers in need of a 'ringer' for their team. Over the course of a week, adidas helped players to solve the eternal problem of unreliable teammates by providing some of London's best Predator players as 'ringers' to those in need, one of which was Kaka himself. Find out more @adidaslondon and @adidasuk
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