Donald Trump Almost Bought Rangers And Pablo Escobar's Old Club
If you think the idea of a billionaire, pussy grabbing torture advocate with the skin colour of an overcooked hotdog becoming the President of the United States is fucked up, the same man could have been in charge of half of the Old Firm and Pablo Escobar's old club not so long ago.
Donald Trump, not happy with just opening his own golf course in the coastal village of Balmedie, just outside of Aberdeen, also wished to invest in cash strapped Rangers when the blue half of Glasgow was in financial dire straits.
Given that Trump has himself been declared bankrupt SIX TIMES, we're not sure why he believed himself to be the right man to save Rangers from financial peril in 2012, but nevertheless the 45th President of the United States, feeling a sense of loyalty to his Mother's Scottish heritage while also being a Presbyterian, a form of Protestantism associated with the Ibrox club, decided to look into adding Rangers to his business portfolio.
The deal never happened and, given Trump's 'suicidal' dealings with the short lived New Jersey Generals of the United States Football League, it's probably lucky for Rangers that it didn't. Eventually, the crowd size obsessed reality TV personality and one time WrestleMania main eventer decided that the financial situation at Rangers was so perilous it wasn't worth the risk of becoming involved with attempting to save them.
Not being content with failing to takeover one football club, Trump's next attempt was even more bizarre, especially given his disdain for Latin Americans.
Trump could have been watching the assembling of defensive walls at Colombian outfit Atlético Nacional rather than border walls across the Mexican border when he was heavily linked with a $100m takeover of the club in 2015, alongside Italian real estate mogul Alessandro Proto.
Yes, that is the same Atlético Nacional once heavily invested in by Colombian's most famous cartel leader, Pablo Escobar. The Medellin club achieved their first Copa Libertadores triumph in 1989 under Pablito's (unofficial) ownership, with Escobar's net worth of a reported $50bn and penchant for threatening match officials coming in handy during his involvement with the club.
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Escobar takes in a football game in Medellin, in 1983. Image: PA
It's doubtful Trump would have been as well liked at the Medellin giants as Escobar was, either, with El Patrón treating the players not as commodities, but as friends, inviting the victorious 1989 Libertadores side, which included tragic hero Andres Escobar (no relation) and scorpion kick pioneer Rene Higuita, back to a huge party at Don Pablo's luxury ranch following their penalty shoot out victory over Olimpia of Paraguay.
Had either of Trump's proposed takeovers been successful, would America's supreme overlord have ever made it to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Or would he be commuting between the Scottish Highlands and the Hacienda Nápolés estate instead of inventing 'alterntive facts' to pedal to the world?