The 13 types of Sunday League footballers that all players know
Forger the Premier League and the Champions League, we all know that Sunday League is where proper football is at. ProStar kits, dogs**t being scooped off the pitch with a cone, the opposition striker having an half-time vape and your angry manager passing on valuable instructions like, "Let him know you're there!".
This is football in its purest form. As average footballers, we cannot relate to those performing at the highest-level but we are all in the same company when it comes to Sunday League, where there are different breeds of players that we all recognise.
At SPORTbible, we've compiled a list of the 13 types of Sunday League footballers and you will definitely know someone who fits into every single category.
The dodgy goalkeeper
Goalkeepers get a bad wrap, with every error they make immediately punished. But while it is the loneliest position in football, sadly there are plenty of bad ‘keepers in Sunday League.
Even when they are being warmed up by the sub pre-match, they are dropping clangers galore.
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Of course there are good goalkeepers out there but there are a whole lot of bad ones who lose their heads if they drop one in their own goal but proceed to blame everyone else.
Goalkeepers really are a different breed. Image: Getty
The chopper at the back
These kind of creatures are not to be taken lightly. They’re going for the man and if they get a bit of the ball it’s nothing but a bonus to them. Limited ability on the ball but their game is all about kicking lumps out of the opposition. Do not make them angry.
The nice lad
On the opposite side of things, you have the decent bloke who just wants to have a nice, enjoyable game. He chats even in the thick of the action and is generally just pleasant throughout proceedings. Often apologises for the actions of his teammates and is a credit to his club.
READ MORE: Inside the Sunday League team featuring ex-Premier League stars
The p***head who hasn’t been to bed
He’s rocked up on a Sunday stinking of booze and still can’t see straight from his heavy night out session. The vomit is brewing.
His teammates are on his case and his head is hurting. Regularly substituted in disgrace and forced to pay a fine.
The semi-pro baller
We all know that one lad who thinks he’s the absolute bollocks just because he gets paid £30 quid to play Step 6 footballer. His boots are more expensive, his hair is slicked back and his headband makes him an instant target for the opposition.
He’s taking all the free-kicks and corners and tracking his distance covered with a STAT Sports GP vest. At the same time, he’s always demanding the ball and doing lots of talking.
The tricky winger
This player could be linked to the semi-pro baller but they are quite the species. Bright coloured Nike Mercurials or F50’s very much a necessity, as well as white ankle protectors over socks.
Whether on the left or right flank, he’s overdoing it with skills and trying to beat the same man again instead of whipping in a cross. End product is very minimal.
The lazy No.9
You may as well play with 10 men. He’s tasked with giving the opposition centre-backs a tough day but he refuses to make a run in behind as he always wants the ball to feet.
He completely negates his duty to press from the front and is prone to a moan. Now and again he will pop up with a goal.
The manager’s son
This one is less common in adult Sunday League but we have all experienced it in our youth. The lad gets an incredible level of favourtism just because his old man is running things. He starts every game, gets the best shirt number, the captain’s armband and is immune from any form of criticism.
READ MORE: Sunday League player gains access to 'secret' 10-a-side game played by ex-Premier League stars
The big lad who can play
Do not judge this man off his physical appearance when he turns up. While not in peak physical condition, this chap has a gorgeous first touch and he can spray the ball all over the park with absolute ease.
He hasn’t got the legs to dart around physically but his brain and technical prowess makes up for it. Needs someone to do his running.
The tape borrower
He’s interrupting all of the pre-match chatter to ask anyone the key question, “Anyone got any tape?”. Simply put, this fella cannot play without using half a roll of tape but he never, ever brings his own and is relying on others seconds before kick-off.
The clubman
You need these people around the team. They don’t always play that much but they put the team first and they do all the s***ty jobs that not many put their hands up for. Ask them to go and fetch the footballs which have gone in a bush? No problem. Ask them to put the nets up or take them done? Done. Loved and adored by all.
All the gear, no idea
This breed of person exists in many walks of life but they are infuriating on the football pitch. They pay over the odds for football boots which do not match how they play and their first touch is absolutely honking.
They claim to know all about tactics and think they are best suited to playing as a trequartista.
The talker
You simply need these people on the pitch and in the dressing room. You can have all the quality you want but nothing beats a fella who never shuts up when playing. Constant talking and shouts like, "It's 0-0 boys!" and "Up we go!" as they push the defenders high up the pitch.
This chatterbox isn't even anywhere close to being the best player on the pitch but his communication skills are second to none and his shouting of instructions gives everyone a headache.
Josh Lawless