I Took Part in Brutal Premier League Training Session Which Made Players Vomit
There aren’t many things I have in common with former Premier League players but suddenly, there is now a shared experience of the weird and wonderful world of Sunday League football.
That’s because a plethora of stars who lit up the English top flight are now running riot for Wythenshawe Vets in the Cheshire Veterans football league.
The star-studded over 35’s team has amassed more than 1800 Premier League appearances - with Stephen Ireland, Danny Drinkwater, Papiss Cisse, Joleon Lescott, Nedum Onuoha, Emile Heskey, Maynor Figueroa, George Boyd, Jefferson Montero and Oumar Niasse all turning out.
To the surprise of no-one, they are top of the Premier Division with four wins from four and boast a goal difference of +32.
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Former Newcastle striker Cisse has rolled back the years with 13 goals – including six in one game, while former Manchester City man Ireland has been running the show with 10 goals from midfield.
I’d seen the clips and I’d heard the buzz but I wanted to see in the flesh just how good these former Premier League players still are.
But instead of just watching them play on a Sunday, I travelled to the Pro Football Arena in Cheadle - not far from where a lot of these ex pros reside - for a brutal 10am training session on a cold winter Wednesday..
Fueled by a pancake, squares bar, coffee and my advent calendar, this right-back in the changing rooms prepared to be put through his paces at a Premier League level by trying to keep up with Ireland and Drinkwater, who won the title with Leicester City.
For context, I am an average Sunday League footballer who can play a bit but has never really achieved anything beyond being Oldham Villa’s ‘Most Improved Player’ in the 2021/22 campaign.
Ahead of the vets travelling to take on Conor McGregor’s Black Forge Inn side in a Dublin charity match, I joined in on the session put on by elite coach ‘RH’, a former Accrington Stanley player who has sharpened up the skills of Marcus Rashford, Bruno Fernandes, Jesse Lingard and Diogo Dalot to name just a few.
Any feeling that I would be in for a nice easy time was erased just beforehand when Ireland, who had kindly invited me to experience Premier League standards, said that vomit could genuinely be in store as he predicted my breakfast would come back up.
We began with what I was told was a warm-up but it was a little different to the heel flicks and occasional playful rondo.
From the off I was thrust into fast, intense technical drills that were both physically and mentally exhausting. Me, Ireland and Drinkwater alternated in playing one-twos and then performing fast feet with the specialist coach.
It was a lot to get your head around and though they were full of praise and encouragement, it was difficult to not to feel that I was in too deep and like a polar bear in Arlington, Texas, did not belong in these parts. Check out the footage below:
Constantly on the move and with very little rest, the ex pros beasted me and made it look very, very easy.
I was the youngest out of the trio at 27 but I was genuinely stunned by the tempo at which they operated even though both are in their late 30s and could easily be relaxing on a beach somewhere sunny.
I was already blowing out of my backside by the time the drill continued to evolve. If you were in the middle, you had to move around cones, playing one-twos and receiving on the back foot as RH demanded constant improvement and Premier League standards.
Soon finishing was added as part of the progression and to see the precision and power at which these two struck the ball after moving around was just frightening.
I did produce a few fine finishes myself and showed I can play a little bit but the consistency was the biggest difference.
The intensity continued to increase. Each of us had to do two touch finishes, do a recovery run to the opposite end of the pitch and then come back with the ball for another effort on goal.
It was a humbling exercise. By the time I had completed the run, I was often too tired to get any kind of venom in the strike. It's no surprise that some stars have been sick as a result of this gruelling session.
Meanwhile, Ireland, who trains relentlessly with regular 5am Hyrox workouts, one-on-one football sessions, Wednesday 7v7 games against the pros and his Sunday League exploits, breezed through it.
More stunning strikes nestled in during a 2v2 set and finish shooting drill before a final humbling came in a 1v1 with Ireland.
The former Republic of Ireland international was only working at less than 10% but he still jinked, twisted and sent me all the way back to Broadway Celtic – my former youth team.
I can only feel bad for the vets who come up against Ireland at full pelt – with McGregor and his men next up.
Premier League stars vs Conor McGregor
The two-weight UFC champion has turned out for the Black Forge Inn side on a number of occasions and is set for a battle with his compatriot Ireland and a stacked set of former top-flight stars who will fly over on Saturday for quite the Christmas do.
“We’ve been told that he’s going to play some duration of the game and then afterwards he does want us back to the Black Forge for food and drink and to socialise,” Ireland told SPORTbible.
“I think that was the reason they reached out – to come and play their team and he’ll be part of it.
“He’s expected to be there. I’ve seen clips on Instagram [of McGregor playing]. I’ve never met the guy before so it will be nice to be in his presence. It’s going to be a good trip.”
As I experienced, the Wythenshawe Vets do not have any mercy. They’ve recorded 7-1, 9-1, 10-1 and 13-1 wins.
The team is generating a serious buzz, with great crowds turning out to watch some genuine greats strut their stuff on boggy pitches. Opposition try and kick them but the ex pros smile and take it and are more than happy to pose for pictures after.
The players were left “fuming” after two games on the trot were postponed prior to this McGregor showdown in Dublin. The squad is packed with quality, and even more high-profile stars are in discussions about joining the party.
Ireland’s former teammates Micah Richards and Joe Hart have been consulted but are too busy with punditry commitments, while rumours of a Wayne Rooney appearance will not go away.
He explained: “We have a lot of people. Honestly, keep your eyes on it – even one-off appearances in the next six months for fun or content. There’s a lot of things lined up.
“As soon as things start broadening out and stuff, people of a high caliber will probably want to come I suppose. I think the odd one-off, a big name will pop in. I don’t want to say too much too soon!”
Other teams are constantly checking to see who’s been registered, hence the need to keep some announcements under wraps.
However, there are plenty of big things on the horizon. A friendly with England’s over 35’s team is being arranged and there are also discussions with Celtic legends.
But most exciting is a confirmed fixture with the charity team run by Chelsea legend Eden Hazard, who is Ireland’s dream signing for the vets.
In fact, he is considering trying to use the upcoming friendly as a way to get him to Wythenshawe for a special Sunday League outing.
“Eden Hazard would be great,” Ireland stated.
“If we could put a wager on in the game against him and say, ‘If we beat you you’ve got to come and play a game for us’. I rate him so highly and thought he was unbelievable.
“When I’m asked about the best players I played against, he’s definitely up there in the top three. He was frightening and he seems a really nice guy as well.
“He would be someone I'd love to bring down and play with.”
Having initially gone in to play one game for fitness, Ireland, with his stream of contacts, has ended up being the connect for so many high-level newcomers to come down and relive the changing room banter and the structure of being part of a football club.
The only difference is they pay £15 subs per month. For many who found themselves lost and in a tough place when their career came to an end, the vets team has given them a new lease of life and a social bubble to part of.
The crew in the Cheshire triangle frequently enjoy a Sunday roast and a couple of drinks after games.
“When I came to the end of my career, I didn’t see it coming and a lot of people would agree that it just creeps up on you,” Ireland reflected.
“I didn’t get the send-off where I decided to pull the plug on my career.
“I had a bad injury, left Stoke and couldn’t really get back in at any level that was of interest.
“I went through those years where it’s mentally challenging and you’ve got to figure it out yourself.
“I’ve had friends who struggled with the mental health side of things and really struggling to come to terms that they’re career is over. It does fly by and I felt like I didn’t really take in my career in and enjoy it enough.
“I don’t feel like I made the most of it as well. I keep a decent amount of lads in this area around me to socialise. These guys interact and go play golf and padel. We’ve got a really nice social thing going on but it’s all based on playing football and carrying legs into different areas.”
The standards on the pitch are akin to the highest level of English football but it’s nice to know there is a little bit of classic Sunday League-ness going on – particularly when it comes to ex Everton striker Niasse and his laid-back nature.
Ireland revealed: “We’re kicking off and you just see him walking through the car park smiling and he gets dressed in the dugout.
“We have to bring his kit out to the pitch for him because he’s just that guy.”
The team was already successful before the influx of ex pros, having won the league and cup double last season. That’s why they try and only bring five to six pros to each game to maintain a good blend with those who were there before.
But this season, they’re eyeing up a quadruple as they look to continue to grow the unique project.
Ireland said: “I think there’s four things we can win. We want to try and win it all and of course enjoy the journey for the remainder of the season – with everything else that goes with it. "We’re trying to make the most of it and see where it leads to.”
Topics: Conor McGregor, Premier League, Spotlight, Man City
Josh Lawless