'If I die, I die' - Valtteri Bottas reveals he starved himself in incredibly honest interview
Cadillac F1 driver Valtteri Bottas has opened up about when he starved himself in order to enhance his car’s performance during his time at Williams – a decision which led to several issues in his personal life.
The 36-year-old, who is currently preparing for the season’s fourth race in Miami on Sunday (May 3), explained the issue arose when he “started with a simple diet” of steamed broccoli and cauliflower for “almost every meal”, which saw him lose five kilograms in two months. This led to thoughts of, “Five? Why not 10? We can make the car even quicker.”
In 2014, Bottas finished fourth in the championship, securing his maiden career podium at the Austrian Grand Prix, although he had to wait until the 2017 Russian Grand Prix for his first win.
Twelve years ago, the Nastola-born driver was considered one of the F1's brightest prospects, but his obsession – or “game”, as he described it – with his weight was threatening to derail his health.
Bottas' unhealthy obsession - 'My heart would be beating out of my chest'
Bottas said in an interview with The Players’ Tribune: “After two months of spiralling, my nerves were shot. I would wake up at 4 o’clock in the morning on my own, with no alarm. My heart would be beating out of my chest. I’d have all this energy, and I’d think, ‘This is so great. I have so much extra time in the day to do all my training.’”
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And while, at the time, the driver saw himself waking up early as a positive, the real reason later became clear.
“…I was waking up so early because my body was in starvation mode.
“The worst part about it was that I would look in the mirror in the morning and see my silhouette, and I was so satisfied that my reflection was getting slimmer. It was not about racing any more.
“I don’t even know how much weight I lost in those two months. I looked sick. And of course, after everything I put myself through, we came back from the break and started testing the car – what do you think happened?”
Bottas explained how “foggy spells” and panic attack-like symptoms would often occur during this period of his life, although he remained fine when taking to the grid.
“It got so bad that I actually started having heart palpitations when I was working out, and my coach knew something was wrong. But I was just in denial for so long. I kept telling everybody that I was OK.”
Then came a turning point.
Bottas' turning point - 'I didn’t find joy in anything any more'
After Jules Bianchi crashed at the Japanese Grand Prix in 2014, he was placed into a coma before tragically passing away nine months later.
The tragic incident had a lasting effect on all of F1 but particularly on Bottas.
“I remember flying back home from Japan, and we all knew that the situation was really bad and that Jules was in a coma. I was sitting on the plane, and it just felt like nothing mattered to me any more. I remember my ex-girlfriend texting me, wishing me a safe flight, and I just thought, ‘If the plane goes down, who cares? I will disappear, and it will be over.’
“I didn’t find joy in anything any more.
“When I was back home, I was just so angry and negative about everything, and I remember my ex asking me if I ever worry when I’m in the car, because it’s so dangerous. I said, ‘No. If I die, I die.’
“At that moment, I realised that I genuinely did not care what happened to me any more.”
Bottas then finally admitted that he needed help and was “unwell” before working with a psychologist.
“That was a big relief, just to say it to somebody. When they took my bloodwork, it was crazy. The numbers were all over the place. My hormones and my nervous system were so out of whack. I had run myself into the ground – mentally and physically.”
Over a decade on, Bottas finds himself in a much happier place, now competing for F1 new boys Cadillac, having previously lost his race seat at Kick Sauber in 2024.
Speaking about his return, he explained: “I can honestly say that coming back to Melbourne for the opening race this season was the most special moment of my entire career – even more special than my first race. I think back then I was too nervous to even enjoy it. At Melbourne this year, I was actually taking it all in during the anthems. I was looking at the other 21 drivers all lined up, and it felt like Christmas Eve.
“I just thought… Hell yeah. I’m back.”
Bottas returns to the grid in Miami this weekend, with the Finn no doubt hoping to register his first points of the season.
Topics: Motorsport
Luke Davies