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MLS Club Philadelphia Union Are Hiring For A Bizarre New Position

MLS Club Philadelphia Union Are Hiring For A Bizarre New Position

Major League Soccer may have evolved drastically since the beginning of the century, with average attendances soaring, new franchises being added and the general standard of play improving every season. However, once in a while, the United States' top flight provides us with a talking point that makes us exhale slowly and wonder just what the fuck they're up to on the other side of the pond.

Don't get me wrong, the league's relative lack of traditions is actually incredibly endearing in many ways; team names including words like 'Galaxy', 'Timbers', 'Impact', 'Earthquakes' and 'Fire' is a fucking riot, as is the Portland Timbers employing a bloke to chainsaw the fuck out of a tree trunk at every home game.

However, when Philadelphia Union put out an advert for a 'Chief Tattoo Officer', yesterday, I had to think twice about my newfound love for Major League Soccer.


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The Pennsylvania club began their search for their ink expert yesterday and even on their Twitter post they felt the need to reassure their fans that this was indeed a genuine job vacancy, including a 'Seriously' for good measure.

The full advert on the club's website reads:

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"Tattoos are a vital part of sport, fan and supporter culture. Just as tattoos are for life, fans choose a club to passionately support for life. As our club grows, players and staff are joining the Union from geographies outside of Philadelphia. Given their love for tattoos and unfamiliarity with their new city, they often look for guidance in seeking a new, local artist.

"To reflect this love of ink and club, the Philadelphia Union is searching for the first ever Chief Tattoo Officer. This is a one-of-a-kind, revolutionary position for an artist or shop to become the go-to place for the Union. Players, coaches, front office staff and even fans will come to you for their tattoos, Union related or not. Tattoos are for life, just like supporting a club, and we want you doing the work."

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"This is an exciting initiative for all of us here at Philadelphia Union as we look to provide a revolutionary service for our players and front office, particularly those new to the area," said Doug Vosik, Vice President of Marketing. "Our hiring process begins immediately; we are looking for a partner with a wide variety of talents and skills, and someone who can offer a broad range including American traditional, as well as Japanese, realism, new school and more."

Allow me to let two of Philadelphia's fines to sum up my feelings towards this new initiative...

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Now, were the successful applicant tasked with only tattooing quotes and characters from 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' onto people, then this would be an initiative I could throw my entire support behind. Because which self respecting footballer wouldn't want a Frank Reynolds chest tattoo adorning their torso?


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Topics: Football, MLS

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Joe Baiamonte

Northerner. Assistant Editor of SPORTbible. Studied Journalism and Broadcasting in a portakabin on a car park of Salford University for three years. Believes football peaked with Serie A in the '90s and strong-arms pro wrestling references into as many articles as possible. Neymar once took 50 euros off me during a game of poker.