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Paul Gascoigne has given the most perfectly 'Gazza' response possible to the idea that signing for Manchester United during his career would have helped his off field problems.
The former England midfielder was one of the most talented players the country ever produced but his career was blighted by injury and off field mistakes.
In 1988 he left first club Newcastle United for Spurs, rejecting Sir Alex Ferguson's Manchester United at the time, a decision many believe impacted his career due to the belief Fergie would have controlled Gazza better than any other manager and added more stability to him, something the 52-year-old isn't completely sold on.
"Alex Ferguson says it would have been different if I had signed for Man United," he told the audience at 'An Evening with Paul Gascoigne,' via The Athletic.
"Well, Rio Ferdinand did a runner from a f**king drugs test. Eric Cantona two-footed some c**t in the neck in the stand. Wayne Rooney s***ged a f**king granny. And Ryan Giggs s***ged his brother's f**king wife. F**king hell, man."
There's no doubting that, even under Fergie, United players have had their own issues over the years but generally speaking they were few and far between, especially when compared to Gazza's personal rap sheet.
The former Lazio player was so close to moving to Manchester that he'd even told the Red Devil's boss, who was yet to win a league title in England at the time, that was going to sign for United from Newcastle.
At the event Gazza explained how the offer of a £120,000 house in London for his family from Spurs chairman Irving Scholar helped change his mind.
Speaking about the incident he revealed that first his dad told him to sign and then his sister rang to ask for her own addition, "Well, what you are fucking waiting for?" his dad asked him, "This time it's my sister," he says of the phone ringing again, "'Hello, Paul, if my mam's getting a house and my dad's getting a car, I want a fucking sunbed'. So I had to ring Irving Scholar back and, 'Listen, you'll never believe this, but one last thing - will you get my sister a sunbed, please?'
"The entire deal, done on a fucking sunbed. Then we put in the wrong bulbs and it blew up the house."
Maybe Gazza would have been a United player if it wasn't for the sunbed, but what would he have got up to?
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