Joleon Lescott: De Bruyne Over Henderson, Messi Over Ronaldo And The Player Madder Than Mario Balotelli
Multiple choices, one answer. No shirking. Joleon Lescott are you ready to play Versus? Let's go!
Mad man: Mario Balotelli or Thomas Gravesen?
Gravesen. He was a little bit more scary than Mario. Mario had a limit and he wouldn't push your buttons too far. He'd wind you up more. Where Tommy Gravesen, you can't beat that guy. He's going all the way in. I'm not built like that.
Last-minute goal: GGGEEERRRRAAARDDDD or AAAGGGUUEERRROOOO?
Aguero, all day. I love Stevie G, I'm not going to lie, but Sergio is my guy, he's the reason why I won those trophies.
Wind-up merchant: Craig Bellamy or Kevin Muscat?
Oh my God. Ask Craig Bellamy about Kevin Muscat. Ask Clinton Morrison about Kevin Muscat - he nearly took his eye out. Bellamy would wind you up, but in terms of niggly fouls, Muzzy was horrible. I'm going with Muzzy.
Tekkers: Robinho or Samir Nasri?
Good question. That is hard. I'm going with Samir. People don't appreciate how good he is. I'm yet to see a player with more just natural ability than him. And I'll tell you what is strange about Samir is how knowledgeable he is about football. He could tell you who was Ballon d'Or winner in '94, '93, '82, all that.
Hard man: Nigel de Jong or Marouane Fellaini?
De Jong all day. Marouane is a nice guy and so is Nigel to be fair, but I wouldn't want to go in 50/50 with Nigel.
Unfulfilled talent: Michael Johnson or Jack Rodwell?
It's unfortunate that for both, they both got injured. I would say Jack, because he still has bags of potential and he's had a longer career whereas Michael's career was cut short due to injury. [SPORTbible: How good was Michael?] Incredible. When I first went to City, I remember asking the physio if Michael was a 'floater' during a particular drill. "Are we not allowed to tackle him?" I asked. He said: "No, it's full training." And I was like, "Oh... it's just that no one can get near him." So talented. So comfortable and aware of his surroundings. Ridiculous.
Centre-back partner: Vincent Kompany or Phil Jagielka?
Both great guys. Great partners. But I'm picking Vinny just because we won stuff together.
Derby: Manchester or Merseyside?
Disrespectful this question! What about the Black Country derby [Wolves vs West Brom]? You can't tell them fans that any derby means more to them then another set of fans. But I'm going to pick the Manchester derby, just because we were challenging them for the title.
Pundit: Micah Richards or Roy Keane?
Micah. It's obviously a serious profession and everyone's dedicated, but when he's on there, you can just see people smiling. I don't even know if anyone's paying attention to what he's saying, but they're just waiting for him to laugh so they can laugh.
Striker: Carlos Tevez or Sergio Aguero?
Don't do that to me. Don't do that. Oh, Sergio, just because of the goal. But Tevez carried us on his back for two seasons. You got to give a lot of respect to Carlos there.
Toughest tackler: Richard Dunne or Micah Richards?
Both pretty strong. I've been on the receiving end of Micah Richards so I'm going to say him. He had the ball as well and he injured me. Which is a bit weird.
Safe hands: Tim Howard or Joe Hart?
I didn't know it was going to be this tough. Oh my God. Joe Hart. Oh, I don't know. They're both great guys. Top keepers. I'll say Joe again, just because we won stuff. That's my get out.
GOAT: Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo?
Messi. Mainly because he's left-footed that's the only comparison with me. But also my friends love Ronaldo and I just love winding them up about Messi.
Fake crowd noise: On or off?
Keep it on. I wondered how players would react to it playing to that crowd and I thought it would be easy. And then I went to a game, I went to a Liverpool City game. It was horrible. Horrible to have no crowd. So I would definitely keep the crowd noise on.
Chat: Text or call?
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Text. Even though I'm just trying WhatsApp voice notes now as well. If someone is texting you on WhatsApp, you have to exchange four or five messages, but with voice notes you get it all answered in one go.
Nando's: Extra hot or lemon and herb?
Extra hot. Lemon herb, nah, that's like going to McDonald's and asking for a salad. You go there for the spice, man. You're not going there for no lemon and herb. My kids ask for lemon and herb. [SPORTbible: What would you say to Messi if he ordered lemon and herb?] I'm saying, "Ronaldo orders extra hot mate, step up your game."
Delivery: David Beckham or Trent Alexander-Arnold?
Becks. Trent's got it. I'm not going to lie, he's got it. But Becks is the original.
Pundit: Carragher or Neville?
Gary Neville. I don't know why. I'm not going to say they're not decent at what they do, but you're asking me my favourite, so I've got to say G-Nev.
Midfielder: Lampard or Gerrard?
Gerrard. He's the one player who's played for Liverpool that I can't dislike. I can't dislike Stevie G, man.
Referee: Mike Dean or Mark Clattenburg?
Mike Dean. For when Clattenburg had his name on his boots, I was like, "You're out bro. You're out." This is not a thing that a referee should be doing.
Play for: Pep of Klopp?
Pep, but I wouldn't mind playing with either, you're going to win something aren't you?
VAR or no VAR?
Now I'm a spectator, VAR. If I was playing, no VAR. You get away with less.
Player of the season: Kevin De Bruyne or Jordan Henderson?
De Bruyne. I do think the player of the season should play for the team that's won the league. So like last year I do think it should have been one of the City lads, but in terms of individual, what they've done, I would say KDB.
Social media: Twitter or Facebook?
Twitter. I don't have a Facebook. I'm not that active on Twitter since that car tweet...
Scary: Roy Keane or Graeme Souness?
Ooh, I know Graeme Souness more so I'm going to say Roy Keane. Not that I think that he's scary, but I've worked with Graeme and he's a really good guy.
Game: FIFA or Pro Evo?
Right now... FIFA. But back in the day, Pro Evo used to do its thing.
To finish higher: Wolves or West Brom?
Wolves. I played for West Brom, but I want Wolves to finish second to Man City, you know what I mean? But I wouldn't be disappointed if Wolves won the league.
Last-minute winner or last-minute goal line clearance?
Winner. No one remembers anything apart from Sergio. So I want to score the winner. I'm not trying to clear no balls off the line, I'm trying to score the winner.
Best on their day: De Bruyne or David Silva?
That's real tough. David, just for the longevity of what he's done. I don't think there's been a Premier League player as consistent as him. It's 10 years solid being that consistent. I've got to say David, but I've got to throw Yaya [Toure] in there, man. Yaya in his day, he's troubling people. He had match-winning ability.
Rather watch: Sunderland 'Til I Die or Man City: All or Nothing?
I haven't watched either, but I'd definitely rather watch Man City, in the greatest respect, it's a bit more relatable.
Champions League: Manchester City or Real Madrid?
Man City, although Madrid's current form is a lot better. It's going to be close. But I feel City will go through.
All imagery: PA Images