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Have you ever thought that you should be able to use your baldness to your advantage? Well this could be the news you were waiting for there's finally a sport that celebrates your majesty in this universe and it may just be your true calling: Bald Head Tug of War.
The challenge for the follically challenged takes place (where else?) in Japan, in the city of Tsuruta. The sport was founded by the Bald Men Club, which currently comprises of around 65 members from all over Japan.
The annual competition sees members in a tug-of-war battle wherein two bald men stick a suction cup to their respective chrome domes.
A red rope connects the two together via the cups and both men try their damnedest to pull their opponent's cup away from their head, while keeping their own attached.
It's basically the Thunderdome of bald head battle - two bald men enter, but only one leaves victorious. The loser is presumably forced to rewatch episodes of Ross Kemp on Gangs and man up better for next time.
The official Bald Men Club website details that members aspire to 'view baldness in a positive manner, to have fun, and to brighten the world with our shiny heads.' Mission accomplished, lads.
One Bald Head Tug of War champion in his 80's describes how joining the club gave him a long-needed boost to his self-esteem.
"When I was young, my hair already started falling out and I became bald. I have felt it as a big inferiority complex. After I met this group, I could be more confident in myself."
He adds that his age won't hinder his future prospects as a contendor.
"I won the championship so I feel good ... I will join the fight for years more if my physical condition is still alright. I'm now 81-years-old, at the age of 83, 84, I will still fight if I am in good condition."
"I'm frustrated, frustrated and frustrated, but no way! I will try to win next time!"
I think he may be frustrated.
You might want to get on the blower to your local pub about investing in some suction cups and red rope to recreate this noble sport because the club has some global ambitions.
Speaking to The Telegraph, the club's 70-year-old chairman Teijiro Sugo said, "I want all the bald men all over the world to gather here so we can organise a bald men's Olympic tournament."
So, come on baldies! Start practising so we can one day bring home the gold in a sport this nation can truly be proud of.
Words by Amy Roberts
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