How I almost got disqualified from professional footgolf competition after being handed wildcard entry
This was the moment where I realised that perhaps this sport wasn’t as easy as I had imagined.
There I was, on my hands and knees, fetching my ball in truly humiliating fashion after hopelessly kicking it into the water. A cruel welcome to the wonderful world of footgolf in my professional tournament debut.
This rude awakening happened at the English Footgolf Open, which took place over three days across the bank holiday weekend in August.
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A staggering 153 players – 16 of which were seeded - represented 19 countries including Argentina, the United States and Australia.
It all went down at Ashbury Resort, across two pristine courses, and this average Sunday League player managed to secure a place in the major.
Although it’s a fun game, I quickly learned that footgolf is also serious, serious business and the set-up is quite something.
For starters there are both UK and world governing bodies and world rankings which are updated.
The winner of the men’s tournament received 1000 points and around £1300 in prize money, while there was also senior, junior and female category events.
I’m sad to report that I did not record a debut championship victory. The coveted prize went to Carlos Calvo, a 38-year-old former Udinese, Cadiz and Granada footballer who has switched careers with distinction and knocked off 81 other participants.
In fact, I didn’t even enter the singles competition – instead opting for the seemingly more comfortable pairs tournament, where I teamed up with one of the very best in the game in Piero Menor, a ten-year veteran who plays all over the world.
Menor, ranked ninth in the world, played with Atletico Madrid as a youngster alongside Fernando Torres and is trying to get him into footgolf.
One can’t help but feel that ‘El Nino’, scorer of the winning goal in the Euro 2008 final, would have been better equipped to being his partner.
But nevertheless, after receiving a ‘masterclass’ on the practice course from No.1 world ranked player Ben Clarke and fellow top pro Matias Perrone of Argentina, I was determined to give it a go.
Yet just as me and Piero were about to compete against opponents Ant Brolia and Lee Bennett, disaster nearly struck as I was almost disqualified for breaking one of footgolf’s golden rules.
I was sporting my smart golf polo and shorts and completed the look with a pair of Adidas stand-finder astro turf trainers which were too small and got binned off after a single wear.
But it turns out that you have to wear long socks in Footgolf. It’s seemingly as important as shinpads in football and seen as a necessity.
This six-hour trip to Devon for my big break was about to be a waste of time. Thankfully some smoothing over with the FIFG official did the job and I was just about let off the hook.
Then it was time for the fun to begin. 18 holes on Pinewood, described as “one of the toughest courses in the world”.
The starting format is simple: both players on each team tee off and decide which ball is in the best position to proceed. Being completely honest, I was fine with being a support act for large spells as Piero did his thing.
Admittedly I didn’t get off to a great start. On my very first tee, I whacked the ball right out of bounds onto a nearby path and branded my own effort “s****” in what would be a recurring theme throughout.
As a complete novice, I struggled to remove the (average) footballer from me and appreciate the importance of wind, terrain and the fact that these Jabulani-like footballs which are apparently only liked by footgolfers and Diego Forlan, absolutely fly.
Piero was great for advice and passed on his wisdom on how to approach each shot. I tried my best to listen and take it all onboard, but it was hard to execute, as evidenced when my wayward whack sailed down another path and into a stream.
I somehow managed to top that by hitting a shot so badly that it rolled 50 yards down a third different path where it initially landed. Impressive when you think about it.
But slowly but surely, I did start getting the hang of it and my performance levels improved. I became the ‘master’ of the five yard putt after being perfectly set up by my partner.
I even channeled my Roberto Firmino with a no-look finish, but the outside of the boot ‘Trivela’ effort failed horribly and probably wasn’t a great decision in hindsight.
The techniques used in footgolf, particularly for the putting, are fascinating. At times the ball looks like it’s not travelling fast or far and yet it ends up in the hole.
Toe-pokes might be frowned upon in football but in footgolf I’ve seen first-hand that they can be extremely effective.
In terms of our scores, this newly formed pair did get par on a few occasions.
We came so close to a birdie a couple of times - only for me to fluff my lines.
But after more than two hours of pinging footballs around, the 18th hole presented one final opportunity to finish my footgolf debut on a high.
And we were well placed to do so after Piero’s expert effort from distance got us in prime position.
I lined up to take the strike, with my heart pounding and my legs jittering. Piero gave me one last tip on how to kick it and then I took a deep breath.
I felt like I was taking a last-minute penalty in a cup final. The pressure was on. But then after composing myself, I calmly tapped ball and used the slight hill to guide it right into the hole in fine fashion. I'd saved the best until last and served up a brilliant birdie.
Me and Piero shared an embrace and celebrated finishing 31st out of 34, with a total gross score of 76. Just 30 places from a cash prize of £500.
Is this the start of an incredible tag team run in footgolf? I asked Piero if I will be getting a second call up and he simply replied, "I'll think about it".
After a mixed bag first time out, with a bit more practice I'll be ready to take on the big guns before you know it - whether in pairs or on a solo mission.
If 'Breaking' can get authorised, this sport ought to be at the Olympics in the future and I'll be waiting to be footgolf's answer to Raygun.
Josh Lawless