Outside of waking up on Sunday morning, fully clothed with sick on your jeans and a bank balance that seems to suggest that the pints you were drinking the previous night were made out of solid gold, there's not many worse feelings to endure on a weekend than seeing an accumulator go down the shitpan. Actually, reading your pissed up texts from the same previous night is usually worse, but you get where I'm going with this.
Basically, everyone hates losing money, whether it's a quid nonchalantly chucked on an outrageously ambitious 27-fold or 50 notes that have been strategically placed on the amount of throw-ins there's going to be in a Croatian second division game. We've all been let down by a 'banker' or a 'sure thing' such as Celtic deciding to throw one in against St.Johnstone at Parkhead at the end of last month. No, Brendan Rodgers, I've still not forgot about how your green and white hooped set of shithouses cost me the best part of £500 and one of the most horrendously leathered bank holiday weekends of my life.
Anyway, forget all these previous disasters and look ahead to your luck changing with a set of weekly Friday tips that will guarantee a level of happiness not seen since Steve Bruce last stumbled upon an unattended wedding buffet.
For starters, we've got tomorrow evening's Premier League clash between Chelsea and Manchester City at Stamford Bridge.
Expect plenty of fireworks at Stamford Bridge on Saturday evening. Image: PA
Given that this is an early season fixture and both teams are coming off the back of Champions League games in midweek, you could be forgiven for thinking that this potentially mouth watering clash will instead amount to nothing more than two knackered sets of players playing out a timid stalemate.
However, with Guardiola's City scoring about 14 goals a game recently and Conte's Premier League champions coming off the back of a monumental performance in Madrid, which saw Eden Hazard turn in one of his most mesmeric performances in a Chelsea shirt, it's probably safe to assume there's going to be plenty of goals and plenty of drama in this one.
Chelsea took all six points in the two fixtures between these two teams, last season, yet defensively, Pep Guardiola's City side were more farcical than an episode of Fawlty Towers and that doesn't look to be the case so far, this term.
The losses of Sergio Aguero and Benjamin Mendy may be tough on City, but in Gabriel Jesus, Leroy Sane, Kevin de Bruyne and Raheem Sterling, Guardiola has more firepower at his disposal than Kim Jong Un. Yet Fabian Delph as a potential left-back option seems about as trustworthy as a 60 year old condom. This one has 2-2 written all over it at 12/1.
Fabian Delph - Left Back. Nah, you're alright. Image: PA
Elsewhere in the Premier League, expect Roy Hodgson to spend most of his time at Old Trafford on Saturday afternoon doing that face where he looks like he can't figure out whether or not he left the oven on or not. In other words, back United to win and win comfortably.
Likewise Arsenal, unbeaten since their Anfield annihilation, should handily defeat Brighton at the Emirates on Sunday lunchtime. Both teams to cover -2 goal handicaps pays almost 7/1 in a double.
Also on Sunday, look for Everton to slip up against a Burnley team who have seemingly forgot how to lose away from home after spending the entirety of last season taking beating after beating on the road. Back a score draw at 9/2 and you won't go far wrong.
Finally, for nostalgia sake, lump a few quid on Liverpool beating Newcastle 4-3 at 100/1 to put the icing on the cake of the most profitable payday weekend of your life.
Thank me later.
P.S whatever you end up backing this weekend, don't make it awkward by betting more than you can afford to lose.
Featured Image Credit: PA