It's the most, wonderful timeeeeee, of the yearrrrr...Hello! I'm Simply Spurs and I'm here today to talk to you about the greatest striker to ever grace this universe; Lord Harold Edward Kane. So get comfy and grab any leftover Christmas food in sight, it's time to summarise the latest week of football.
As it was Christmas on Monday I was incredibly busy eating pigs in blankets for the entire day so unfortunately I didn't get around to writing an article, which is why I'm writing one today. I've got quite a lot of football to summarise so let's quickly get through last weeks midweek games, starting with Everton entertaining Swansea on Monday night. Everton comfortably won the game 3-1 and I was absolutely delighted that I got Wayne Rooney into my Fantasy Football team who bagged a goal and two assists. Despite only being half way through the season I believe Swansea will get relegated, coming bottom of the table. Tom Carroll is the heart of their midfield so there really isn't much hope for them.
On Tuesday night Manchester City and Arsenal booked their places in the semi-finals of the Carabao Cup and on Wednesday night Chelsea and Bristol City did the same...yep that's right, Bristol City knocked out Manchester United. I found it rather amusing how Manchester United fans insisted they would've beaten Manchester City if Paul Pogba had played, who played in their 2-1 loss to Bristol City. More embarrassing than Spurs throwing away a 2-0 lead at Wembley to West Ham...
Now I'm sure all of you want me to discuss Thursday nights huge clash between KAA Gent and Sporting de Charleroi but unfortunately I'll have to discuss a rather dull game between Arsenal and Liverpool on Friday night. After missing chance after chance in the first half Liverpool were only 1-0 up at the break thanks to a headed goal from the 4''10 Brazilian that is Philippe Coutinho. However the Reds eventually doubled their lead at the start of the second half thanks to Mohamed Salah (shock) and that looked like game over for Arsenal. 6 minutes later Arsenal were winning 3-2. At this moment in time I thought to myself 'surely Tottenham will finish above both of these banter clubs, surely?'. As Richard Keys would say; "It was extraordinary. I thought I'd seen just about everything." Unfortunately for the Gunners Roberto Firmino scored an equaliser and eventually the game finished 3-3. This video would've been perfect if Arsenal had lost...
After that rubbish game of football Saturday arrived which was a huge day of football. First up was El Clasico where Barcelona eventually triumphed 3-0 away to Real Madrid after such a boring first half. During El Clasico Everton held Chelsea to a 0-0 draw at Goodison Park as Big Sam continued his unbeaten streak. A huge upset in the afternoon fixtures occurred when Manchester City defeated Bournemouth 4-0 as Kevin De Bruyne failed to register a single goal or assist, which is entirely my fault, as I made him my Fantasy Football captain. So much regret.
There was two evening fixtures on Saturday, first up Burnley entertaining Tottenham at Turf Moor. I thought Kane had blown his chance of breaking Alan Shearer's record of most Premier League goals scored in a calendar year when he failed to score against Brighton a few weeks ago...shame on me. How dare I doubt this man. I was expecting a cagey 0-0, however Kane had other ideas, scoring a hat-trick and equalling Shearer's record in a 3-0 victory. I'm slowly starting to enjoy football once again, but not betting. Leicester hosted Manchester United at the King Power Stadium in the final game of the day. When Manchester United were 2-1 up I decided to place a cheeky bet on Jesse Lingard to score next. I was watching this game at the pub with my Sunday league team and when Jesse Lingard was through on goal and past the keeper I turned around to my team mates going absolutely mental. I'd just won a bet and I planned to celebrate as much as I could. Instead of celebrating with me, my team mates were laughing at me. As I turned around to look at the TV the ball was for some reason by the corner flag. Jesse Lingard had hit the post. An open goal. Leicester then equalised in the last minute to ruin any hope of my bet winning as the game ended 2-2. Plenty of vodka lemonades were consumed for the remainder of that evening. When the fun stops, STOP.
Advert
Next up was Boxing Day football and first up was Tottenham vs Southampton. This was it, the day Harry Kane makes history, and that he did. Kane bagged another hat-trick in Spurs' 5-2 demolition of Southampton. I heard yer da spent Boxing Day tweeting "calendar year goals aren't a thing", "how many trophies has he won?" and "he took corners at the Euros in 2016" in any sort of attempt to downplay this achievement. Now if anyone wants to argue with me that Kane isn't the greatest striker on this planet we'll have to settle this with a classic 1 vs 1 on Rust, Modern Warfare 2. Absolutely not having it. He is the greatest of all time, accept it. Be salty elsewhere.
Other notable results on Tuesday were Chelsea defeating Brighton 2-0 at Stamford Bridge, Manchester United coming from behind to draw 2-2 at home to Burnley thanks to a brace from Jesse Lingard (who misses open goals when I bet on him the little sh*t) and Liverpool absolutely destroying Swansea 5-0.
Overall it was a rather decent Boxing Day in the world of football. I'm going to wrap this up now so I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a very happy new year. I wonder how many goals await for Kane will in 2018... enjoy!
Featured Image Credit:
